Demi Lovato's bright new sequined line of clothes, inspired by her Sonny With a Chance Disney Channel character, debuted at Target this summer, aimed at tweens who want to be just like her.
So how do parents deal with the questions those same kids may now have about their Dallas-raised idol, since she left her tour with the Jonas Brothers last week? Her representatives said only that she was checking into a treatment center for help with "emotional and physical issues," but The Associated Press has reported that Lovato has dealt with an eating disorder and cutting herself.
The first step in explaining cutting, experts agree, is to understand what cutting is and why it occurs.
As Dr. Dana Labat, a licensed clinical psychologist at Children's Medical Center, puts it, "There is a concern about how romantic or appealing or glamorous kids will find this if parents don't give them additional information. A kid who is already in distress and trying to find some way of coping may say, 'She did it, maybe it will work for me.' "
Cutting is a form of self-injury that can be inflicted on the skin with any sharp object. As many as 15 percent of teens report some form of self-injury, according to a report in the March/April Journal of the American Board of Family Medicine.
Dr. Syed Quadri, medical director for the adolescent psychiatry program at Texas Health Springwood Hospital in Bedford, attributes this high percentage in part to kids sharing information about cutting on the Internet. He also points out that cutting is a symptom of stress, often among kids who have difficulty verbalizing feelings and seek a physical pain to distract from emotional hurt.
Parents should be alert to signs of anxiety, he says. If children are struggling at school, they should be tested for learning disabilities. Kids should also be tested by their physicians for hypothyroidism, which can cause feelings of sadness.
Labat adds that adolescence can be stressful in and of itself.
"Adolescence is a period of significant transition," she says. "Kids are trying to figure out how to fit in and how to be different and unique. At the same time they're being bombarded with messages about what they're supposed to act like and what you're supposed to look like in a society that focuses on achievement and physical perfection."
Dr. Susan Sugerman, an adolescent-medicine physician and co-founder of Girls to Women Health and Wellness in Dallas, says parents and teachers should look for the subtle signs of cutting.
Long sleeves are one tip-off. Another is bracelets that hide the skin or a reluctance to change for gym class.
She urges adults to stay calm if they suspect something.
"The most important thing a parent can do is listen, and when they feel tempted to speak, be quiet and listen some more," she says. "And really refrain from jumping to conclusions. It's OK to admit to your child that you don't get it, but very important to immediately follow up with 'I want to.' Let your child know you understand that they're hurting, that you're willing to listen and you are committed to helping them get help."
Kids who cut are not usually suicidal, even though they may inadvertently do more harm than they intend, experts agree.
"We can point our fingers at kids all day long and say 'Stop that,' " Sugerman says. "But almost everything that we worry about in our teenagers relates to maladaptive or inappropriate responses to stress. If we don't help them deal with the underlying problems, they will substitute other negative behaviors, whether they are eating disorders, drug use, acting out or inappropriate sexuality."
Labat and Quadri say that therapy has turned this problem around for many of their patients, particularly when parents work with their children on identifying positive ways of dealing with the emotional pain at the root of the problem. These positive measures include listening to music, talking to a friend, talking to family members, journaling, drawing and exercise.
Ultimately, Lovato's public struggles can help kids if we respond with compassion rather than judgment and praise her rather than shun her for seeking therapy, the experts say.
"Use it as an opportunity to teach children that it's understandable to have pain, but it's critically important that they learn to ask for help before they turn to things that are unsafe or unhealthy," Sugerman says.
"And remember that asking for help is always a sign of strength, it is never a sign of weakness."
Dallasnews.com
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