Schalke v Manchester United: mascot takes the mickey out of English culture in semi-final build-up
Schalke’s mascot has greeted Manchester United’s fans to Germany by mischievously suggesting they are all called Paul, boast glamour model wives and carry a set of darts with them at all times.
By Rory Smith 1:01AM BST 26 Apr 2011
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The mascot, a fan called Erwin Koslowski, has used his usual column in the club’s Auf Schalke programme to launch a withering – if not entirely serious - attack on all things English.
“The typical Manc is called Paul,’’ he writes, tongue firmly in furry cheek.
“He always carries his darts in his left trouser pocket and a picture of his bulldog in his right pocket. He has his hair cut to 2mm. His wife is called Samantha and you can find her on Page Three.”
Manchester as a city is pilloried, too, with Erwin - a caricature of a Schalke fan who looks not unlike a camel - suggesting that men and women live apart.
“Men live in Manchester, women in Womanchester,” he informs his readers. “There is a normal Chester, which is made of cheese.”
His targets, though, extend far beyond weak puns, with his attentions turned on subjects as diverse as English cooking, the Royal Wedding and the national football team’s persistent shortcomings.
“Gastronomically, England is far behind everyone,” he says. “The typical national dish is lamb with mint sauce or potatoes with mutton and is always on the menu at every party.
"Weird: they have their chips with vinegar but no froth on the beer. But their beer glasses are bigger - now that’s a good idea.
“The English are really celebrating a wedding this week. No, it’s not Katie Price again. It’s Prince William! Anyway, England is the motherland of football. But they still haven’t got the hang of taking penalties.’’ Fair point: Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher missed them here in the 2006 World Cup.
Schalke insist the column - published in every programme - is intended as humorous. “The man who writes it is a huge Anglophile,” said a club official.
“It is something we do every home game. Everyone in Germany knows it is a joke and that these things are not true.”
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